she bop.

watching a boy who died as he grew...

Sat, 04 Sep 2004 04:38:54 GMT

today i volunteered to help out at the special olympics teaching kids with special needs how to bowl. i'm excited and i hope tatum participates because she is so-o adorable!
i wish i wasn't home right now, but i feel so fucking horrible. my nose is running and my head is pounding. terra and i caught a movie with budd and matt.
dodgeball was cute, except i would have rather watched it in the privacy of my own home so i wouldnt feel so dumb for laughing so much.
i need to sleep so that i can get better and go to with josh to get his hair done and go to the grill and/or garden state.
i need to clean :(
i hardly have much homework which is exciting.

im broke. for now. i was too sick to go get my pay check. i work sunday night, which should prove lucrative, but that is moot seeing as it is i might have to shell out a lot of money to get drew to change his sexual preference.

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 06:01:20 GMT

so i talked to austin tonight and he's really amazing.
sorry taylor, but i think im in love with your brother.
anyway, i feel shitty about hitting spencer but life goes on, i cant really take it back now.

ah.
i cant help but pinch my cheeks.

Fri, 03 Sep 2004 03:31:27 GMT

pms is a bitch.

seriously, aunt flow held a gun to my head today and made me do crazy things.

i think spencer was right, i am a crazy bitch.

all is quiet on the northern front...

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 01:22:07 GMT

budd wrote HARDCORE on my knuckles today during art.
when i got home, my mom flipped.
i guess she thinks im some sort of porn addict or something, whatever, she's cute.
the room transformation is going rather slowly and i'd really like for it to just be over and done with.
i should recruit josh and taylor to help with the decor since they both have the nicest rooms ever.
my parents are going out of town again this weekend, please keep me company again. i get oh so lonely when they go away.
my dad's best friend bought my mom some perfume which happens to be my favorite scent. i had recieved a sample a long time ago and used it pretty quickly. but the point is, i can't stop sniffing myself.

congratulations budd and zoraida! </big>

im glad that im finally all caught up with homework, well, almost atleast.

i need to go furniture shopping.

yay!

but im sad that kirsten is leaving again for utah to attend ceramics classes,
i mean, im happy for her, but sad because i'll miss how sweet she is.

p.s. dont ever mix potato salad with egg rolls, or eat long john silver's.

hey there mrs. blue skies!

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 20:51:01 GMT

HOORAH!
my weekend with my parents out of town was pretty calm and nice, but i must say it ended with a bang.

yes kiddies, samantha lauren salazar has fallen in love.

i dont know much about him other than his name, but he is my soul mate.
i know it.

josh, taylor and i ran into him at mad hatter's book store yesterday and he took a picture which may or may not have me in it trying on a silver cowboy hat.

but he is amazing, and he agrees with me that the saying is shot down, not shut down.

we will be married, oh yes, we will. and we'll have lots of smart little babies running around who like to read, take pictures, dance and wait tables. not all at once though.

awesome.

p.s. special thanks to my fellow killerz members for making this an especially pleasant weekend.

soccer mom ready to sock it to her...

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 04:49:04 GMT

im going to go see ben kweller on sunday night and make it an odd three times of being very close to such a beautiful creature.
i even went to saks to buy a new shirt for the occasion.
on the drive home i listened to pink moon, and watched the lightning. i smiled knowing very well that i am overly materialistic.
i love my new versace glasses. i love my new saks silk shirt. i love spending money. it feels good knowing that all of those hours being harrased by dirty old men pays off in the end because i envelope myself in beautiful fabrics that tug on my heart strings.

ahahaha! i feel like that mr. krabs guy on spongebob squarepants. because i love me money and he and i both have big butts. i think he just might be my soul mate...

so im president of the bowling club and terra is the VP. AWESOME! it didnt take much coaxing to get people to vote for us, and as terra put it "anybody who didnt vote for me can properly suck my dick... without teeth or anything"

man i love her. and i love school. i really do, it was miserable for a while because i'd see spencer and get really sad, but now i see him and get really angry because i know he talks a lot of shit about me. but of course, i love the feeling of anger, rage fuels my happiness. oh god, i think i subconsciously stole that from metallica!

T E R R A spells victory!

and my new pink shirt spells pretty mommy. sophisticated mommy. i aint no phyliss crazy maker!

to sir with love:

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 22:52:12 GMT

today i was driving home from picking up my new horribly gaudy granny glasses today feeling rather sorry for myself when it clicked... i needed to listen to the cure. so i put it on, screamed unreasonably loud "fuck this shit" and sang my heart out.
the undulations coming from my tin can of a car were rather theraputic and i realized that despite having a bad day, my life could end now and i would be happy simply because i existed.
so although i spent all together too much time being upset today, ive gathered my thoughts. im sitting peacefully in my quiet room sorting out clothes to donate to the beacon foundation.

i better start my pre-cal homework although i know it will be a cinch.

... astronomy will have to be revised.

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 06:59:42 GMT

today was pretty fun.
they let me off of work early because i didnt feel like being there and i absolutely had to drive my car. oh, it's so very close to the 100,000 mile mark! spencer had told me that he and i would have a party when it happened... oh well! just another empty promise from the boy who also swore we'd always be friends.
its weird seeing people i once knew so well. they try to smile through the awkwardness to coax me into believing im not an outcast and that things can be okay again. i return their half-hearted smiles and wonder why they even bother. i dont want to uspet the delicate balance of the system i previously belonged to. i feel like the girl who everyone feels bad for, so they make sacrifices for me because its what any good person would do.
but truth be told... i dont need anyone to feel bad for me. i dont need sympathy hang-out offers. it just makes me feel pathetic to know people pity me in such a way.

but on a lighter note, i saw lots of boys today that gave me girl boners. ow! ow! thai or some other ethnic food tomorrow. yum. mikey and i have been talking on the phone a lot lately. the other day he rear-ended someone while dialing my number. way to suck on his part.

my parents want me to have a party for my birthday. i hate parties. and birthdays. my last birthday somewhat of a bust. it was the first time spencer told me that he knew he could do better than me, and i cried my eyes out as always for several minutes. but then i met sharin foo and everything was cool again.

two-step taylor, moshin josh, tuxon terra and northside sam (aka the killerz) kickass at dancing. i dont think i deserve to be this happy. watch, it will all get taken away from me soon enough. not to be a pestsimisst (oh, two points for the cute play on words)but thats the way life is. but as naguib mahfouz tought me in the story the happy man, without sadness, happiness would not be so cherished. so i enjoy this streak of fortune, and welcome sadness with open arms as i know it will only make great things even better in the future.

i feel like im developing a bruise on my back from who knows what!

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 06:57:27 GMT

i got him back!

my heart is full of glee. tomorrow i get new glasses if all goes according to plan. on sunday, lunch with taylor, austin, and whoever else, most likely terra and possibly josh. i have a lot of homework already and i have only been in school for two days, but i dont mind!
c'est la vie! que sera sera!
all of my teachers are pretty nice and i really enjoy all of my classes.

also some guy left me a ten dollar tip, all by his lonesome. can i get a hell yeah for being attractive to middle-aged men!?

oh god im so in love! im not really sure with what/ or whom... but i can just feel it pouring out of my ears, nose, mouth and other holes. that's right! im so full of love im farting it out!

oh gosh... im so immature...

so i found out the current guy in my scope has shot people before. im too anti-gun to like that shit. oh well, boys come, boys go. WHO CARES! true playa for real! i wish. whatever, maybe for once ill swallow my pride and adapt to someone instead of making them change to fit my needs. oh im such a manipulitive wretch!

i wish i could say i am naive to the games i play, but that would be a lie. and god gives cancer to liars.

papoose.

Wed, 11 Aug 2004 18:42:41 GMT

sometimes i really like my hair.
other times i dont. today, i likey.
tomorrow, i start school.
all i can say is that there are some people i wish i would have seen more of over this summer of so many events.
namely zoraida, hans, and sierra.
i also wish that austin and i will have gone to lunch before he goes away to school.
i miss jayme iszler. i lost his number and im pissed. i tried to find it on the white pages online but to no avail.
i dont regret a single moment spent with heather. i do regret wasting so much time being sad about spencer. i do wish more time would have been spent dancing.

i also wish wouldnt have played soccer with my fucking new shoes.

lunch with mariah and rick was fun yesterday, seeing sierra at the grill was equally as interesting.

i miss taylor. she's such a lovely little bumpkin.

is it possible im so happy because i have so few friends?

tie your hopes upon a string and let them float away...

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 19:35:39 GMT

dear god,
this summer has been a whirlwind heat.
i learned a lot of things. i saw a lot of things. and i felt a lot of things.
but mostly i feel like i am a much better person. for once in my life, i feel completely secure with where i stand. i dont feel like anything is missing. i dont feel like i have hidden feelings. my cards are showing, im sorry if you dont like what you see. i hate the girl i was at beginning of the summer, she's dead.
thank you for making things go the way that they did. even though at the time, the value of different events was not seen, i know everything happened for a reason. thank you for the serenity and awareness i have gained. thank you for the people i have met. the friends i have lost.

love,
samantha salazar

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 16:34:16 GMT

terra is asleep on my floor. im bored. i hit my shin on my dads nordic track about 15 minutes back, but it doesnt really bother me.

last night josh was the bearer of bad news. it didnt really bother me much though.

terra and i got to hang out with taylor yesterday. i guess you could say it was a lady's night of sorts. we ran into mariah at denny's. she said austin used to like me my freshman year when coincidentally enough, i used to like him. how silly life is sometimes, eh?

i found this bookstore on grant called mad hatter's. it is in actuallity mad. they sell old books, lp's, and BOOTS. yes, boots! like the kind you wear on your feets! the place was an old house, with a tiny sign on the outside. each room was painted brightly, and old playboys and books by kurt vonnegut jr. were splattered all over the floor. boxes stacked to my chest were everywhere, even in what used to be the bathroom. i didnt look at the books so much, i was too busy discovering the place.

i think taylor would really dig it, despite the stale smell i would attribute to the boots hanging from high and low.

i also saw napoleon again. such a good movie... GOSH! but this time i fell asleep and woke myself up by drooling on my hand.

all i have to say is:

hey hottie!

you make me wanna smile like a donut!

where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?

Thu, 05 Aug 2004 16:30:47 GMT

my mind is so shallow now.
emotions exist in singular form.
all smiles.
my thoughts meander in one direction.
unicorns. love. laughter.
call it naivete. call it being numb. ignorant. selfish. whatever...
i call it happiness.

i know this because once i saw him, it made me cry.

but last night i saw him, and all i could think about was dancing.
even now i dance. pathetic as this flailing is, it is my salvation. the awkward jerks, the attempts to be as graceful as three swans. all i want for christmas is rhythm.

i am angela chase. i kissed jordan catalano. let ME go wild.

gosh...

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 07:20:09 GMT

this morning when i woke up i was expecting for today to be nothing more than wasted breath and mindless TV.
but by some odd twist of fate, it turned out to be absolutely sublime. it was a day i wish i could bottle up. the nectar would intoxicate me on the worst of days and would be worth all the riches in the world.
it began when i noticed heather had called me forty one minutes into the day,which i found to be a lovely gesture so i promptly called her back and we talked for a really long time about nothing at all, which was really something.
i love heather when she is happy, the spontaneity keeps me amused endlessly. we saw napoleon dynamite, a movie that i would like to see with everyone of my friends simply because the mere presence of certain people sends me off into different fits of laughter. i honestly cant wait to see it with terra because she gives me the best laughter vibe out of anyone in the world.
then i received a call from terra saying she was back in town and it felt like christmas. i drove like a madwoman to get her, i was just so happy.
so then terra and i proceeded to hang out and do nothing at all and i fell deeper in love with her as my best friend as the day went on.
we got a call from josh who i suppose was really bored and/or lonely. being as it is he's like way too cool for school, im guessing everyone else was unavailable and he had to turn to us as a last resort. just kidding. at least, i hope i am...
anyhow, i gave josh the audrey hepburn box i made which was somewhat an obscure gesture because it was so out of the blue.
i dont really remember what filled the hours that passed other than we spent time laughing at denny's about my misunderstandings as to what spooning was.
then for the kicker, we got harassed by these kids in a big white truck. it was awesome.
i acted totally immature but it was fun, besides a little nonsense now and then is valued by the wisest men. it was a great opportunity to use the oh so popular phrase "hey hottie, you make me wanna smile like a donut" i really didnt know what i was doing or saying but i guess it all worked to my advantage being that i feel my team won the war.

then i went to denny's to see HIM and everything was cool baby baby chill. oh my gourd! he's so amazing and im addicted to the way he makes me feel. things like this dont happen to girls like me and im afraid im going to ruin things.

i got to converse briefly with zoraida, but then my cell battery went kaput. thousand pardons.

sam time. do you have a dildo in there? i thought spooning was sticking a spoon in someone's ass then pressing down. youre telling me youre going to go have sex with some other girl. ha lei ha lei. im tired too but that cant stop the rhythm from taking over. sam, us starting a rap group is kind of important and you should have told me about it first. bratwurst breath. granny pirate. youre just... so... HOTTT! lets get out of here before people recognize us as the annoying laughing girls. his name is shapiro, and i think i love him, and we should have gotten a coke... its free refills... "lets go". you make me creamy, like pudding.

TODAY WAS AMAZING AND IM SO INCREDIBLY IN LOVE WITH LIFE THAT I COULD PISS OUT DAISIES AND GLITTER!

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 16:35:29 GMT

someone egged my moms car...
some people are just too damn cool for school.

if they were any kind of smart... they would have waited until i got my car back... it would have been more brutal to egg my brand new back end.

LAME

he was a boy who died as he grew

Sun, 01 Aug 2004 07:10:01 GMT

im more than slightly dissapointed that heather is no longer online after i get off of work. i really looked forwards to talking to her everyday.

bitch.

i smell like mikey, aaah drool.

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 06:59:33 GMT

i like him.
he likes me.
its almost like some romantic comedy for 40-year-old housewives.

almost, yet not quite.

but im in love with the situation, i dare not say the boy, simply the scenario is so heady that i cannot deny it feelings of ardency.

i must go to sleep now because tomorrow cannot come soon enough.

:)

i think about you during commercials, it helps to keep me awake.

Fri, 30 Jul 2004 05:43:55 GMT

if my friends were pokemon cards...

they'd be charlizards... and i wouldn't trade them for anyone else.

i had so much fun last night, and i know josh hates when people say that, but its true. i would write about the events of the night, but it seems like so little went into so long that im not sure if i really remember adequately what went down. but rather the memory of laughter holds resilience.

terra, i need to tell you something very important. less importantly though, i miss you very much and hope you are having the best of times. absence is making the days go longer, really it is, i suppose my heart just cant grow any fonder of you.

some people are so lame that when i see them, i get a burning sensation in my throat which is also commonly know as throwing up in one's mouth a tad.

p.s. what was with all of the skin defects last night? first the tag... then the little babies!

oh boy. i'm a happy little girl.

he is my security blanket

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 07:53:20 GMT

its so nice to be with someone and experience silence without awkwardness and to feel totally alike though the differences are aplenty.

:)

<3... i think

Tue, 27 Jul 2004 20:25:31 GMT

i finally dyed my hair. im really on the fence with whether or not i like it. every so often,jodi or the like will stop, tilt their head, crack a smile, nod and say "i really do like your hair".
this morning julio woke me up at the butt-crack of dawn to go pick him and james up and take them home.
afterward, i got myself some nico's went home and fell asleep while watching some woody allen movie.
i didnt wake up until 10 or 11... i cant remember but i was angry that i had wasted my day.
i bought some coach shoes from buffalo exchange yesterday along with a new purse. terra and i then ventured over to miller's surplus to buy some old pin up girl pins for my purse. i dont know what possessed me to buy the coach shoes, i just had this overwhelming desire to wear the tessellated C's on my feets.i totally know what jessica simpson's obsession with louis vitton is all about. except my shoes were only 23 bucks and used.
im not sure of when i start school again but im more than nervous to say the least. i dont really want to go back just yet. im pretty sure i go register on wednesday. oh god, im watching biker boyz and i must say this is a horrible movie. terra is in florida now, i already miss her.
i have to work again today, for like the fifth millionth day in a row.

AND IT'S

KIDS EAT

FREE NIGHT!

mikey urrea is a nice boy. he treats me with the utmost respect. i love meeting him the freezer for a little chit-chat. and he can always make me smile. i think i like him a lot. it may be a quixotic idea, but i wanna spend more time with him.

Sun, 25 Jul 2004 07:36:26 GMT

ok, so i took back my two weeks notice at denny's.
i caved in.
i love the place way too much.

my love is like whoa...

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 21:33:48 GMT

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	gentle
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	the only thing I desire
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	hypnotising
Your love is...	unique

Quiz created with MemeGen!

hope is a thing with feathers...

Sat, 24 Jul 2004 17:23:22 GMT

so i put in my two weeks notice at denny's.
my new GM is a huge prick, and i don't get paid $2.13 and hour to get treated like shit... uh uh, no way.
sue and jenn quit aswell.
this sucks because that place was like my second home, but it was dissipating into one big conglomeration of drama. bedsides, the hipocrasy was killing me.

so im on a mission of sorts. a mission to eliminate drama out of my life. i have a huge lump on my shoulder, im sure i have made you all feel it once or twice, but i believe it is there largely because of stress.
this means im through with letting little rows with my best friend bother me because theyre just going to blow over anyway. it also means im not going to worry about the hifalutin stinky boy anymore.

life's to short to care about this shit, so it's done and done.

and heather, what the fuck is the exodus and why the fuck am i left out? and i didnt like your friend. he is mean, and he clapped when i almost dropped an ash tray. tell him to bite my butt.

terra had a bad night the other day, and if i come across the people who made her unhappy i will give them my 2, no my 3 cents about it. so if i end up in the hospital anytime soon, just assume the slaughter was brutal.

oh, and i might be moving to the west side.

Tue, 20 Jul 2004 17:38:06 GMT

where in the world is terra hockett?
get back from fucking shitcago already!
im having withdrawels!

i need you,
i miss you,
i love you.

youre my best friend. come back. now.

god terra, way to be a fucking bitch and not come back right now.

yech.

Mon, 19 Jul 2004 17:04:43 GMT

im really upset that i can never sleep in late. even if i go to bed at like 7 in the morning, i have to wake up by 8.
im sitting in my room with a half-eaten burrito from nico's lying next to me. i hate that burrito with a PASSION unmatched by any other! last night after work, mikey urrea and i had plans to go eat us some nico's. unfortunately, the bastard got into a progressively worse mood all night since sue yelled at him for whatever shit. so we ended up not going together and i had to go get it alone.
i left it sitting out on my desk in hopes that it would lure in the rat that is supposedly living upstairs in our house.
my grandma said she knows there is a rat because "they found the shits".
i would make friends with the rat, make him clothes and a little home to keep him warm. at night, he would climb up to my pillow and sleep next to my head and we'd dream together. i'd train him how to go get me food and drinks and we'd share. i would love him, and he would love me. we'd share our most intimate secrets. we'd watch documentaries on eunichs and exchange demure glances over packets of capri-sun. he would be my best friend. (im just joking terra, tuxon terra = northside sam fo life!)
my sister layla is having a baby girl.
so i'll be an aunt again.
i have to go downtown, im dreading it, i dont feel like going downtown by myself today. but i have to get layla and mikey urrea birthday gifts. (mikey is today, layla is tomorrow)
whatEV.
ibettergetgoingimtryingtostallbecauseidontwanttoleave.